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	Why Perform Penance for Abuse? By Virginia Jones The Garden of Roses February 1, 2010 http://web.me.com/virginiajones/Compsassionate_Gathering/The_Garden_of_Roses/Entries/2010/1/28_Why_Perform_Penance_for_Abuse.html In late 2008 and early 2009 I contacted some Catholics prominent in the clergy abuse issue and invited them to embrace the Sackcloth Penance Patch. One was enthusiastic but found little support among his friends. Another said that he had discussed it in his Voice of the Faithful Group and had found little support for it. Still another told me that he had heard that the bishops were manipulating it. I would beg to differ. Fr. Armando initially supported us actively advertising our Compassionate Gathering group in Ascension’s parish bulletin, but in the Fall of 2008 when Fr. Armando went a pilgrimage to Assisi, Italy, the Archdiocese of Portland forbad Compassionate Gathering from advertising our Gatherings and activities in the parish bulletin because we are not officially approved by the Archdiocese. My life would be ever so much easier if the Archdiocese approved of what I did. If the Patch was being manipulated by the bishops, Patches would be handed out in far more parishes than the three or so where Patches are being handed out in Portland, Oregon, this Lent. As far as the value of the Patch is concerned, well you won’t know it’s value unless you wear it. That Patch has the value of the “Silent Witness.” This might be a hard concept for survivors of clergy abuse to swallow, but Catholics are really wounded by lawsuits and scandalous media stories. I am not questioning the value of these lawsuits and the media stories. I think clergy abuse survivors have done our whole society a tremendous favor by getting the issue of abuse out there. Many in the Catholic Church would be puzzled by what I am saying, but our pain helps to heal a larger problem that has existed as long as humans have – the problem of abuse and the wounds it causes. However, that doesn’t change the fact that we Catholics find the lawsuits and media stories wounding. We Catholics are ordinary human beings. Our normal human reaction is to react with the flight or flight syndrome when we perceive that we are attacked. So Catholics fight back by criticizing survivors and their motives or they retreat and avoid the issue altogether. These actions cause survivors to feel uncared for, to feel re-traumatized and re-abused. What the Sackcloth Penance Patch does is bring up the issue of clergy abuse is a way that is very gentle. Catholics and other members of the community can explore the issue to their level of comfort. I wear the Patch and if asked, I explain what it stands for. If people want to know more, then I explain more. I have never gotten a negative response. Usually people say, “What a lovely thing (wearing the Patch) to do.” Sometimes people say, “I didn’t realize that clergy abuse was a problem.” Then I have an opportunity to explain that it is a serious problem that leaves its survivors deeply wounded. Once, on the Walk Across Oregon, I walked into a Catholic Church while wearing a Patch and a shirt that read “Stop Child Abuse, Heal the Wounds.” I wasn’t thinking about saying anything to anyone about clergy abuse. But I am Catholic, and I decided to take the opportunity to pray for guidance. An elderly woman was sitting in the sanctuary of the church. She saw me and called, “Hello.” I walked up to her and greeted her. She saw my shirt and said, “Oh, I volunteer Haven and CASA. Do you know them?” “Yes,” I said, “Haven advocates for domestic violence survivors and CASA advocates for child abuse survivors.” Then she saw my Patch. “What is that?” she asked. “It’s the Sackcloth Penance Patch. It represents penance and apology for clergy abuse.” We talked a little more. She told me that she was a retired teacher and asked what I did. I told her that I am a child sex abuse survivor who advocates for survivors of abuse. And that was it. This is the power of the Sack Cloth Penance Patch. If you wear the Patch you can walk into any church and discuss clergy abuse and the wounds of abuse and receive support from the people you reach out to. The Patch gently invites Catholics and other Christians to think about this very difficult issue, Am I responsible for covering up clergy abuse? Is there anything I can do to care for and support survivors? The uncomfortable answer to both questions is “yes” for most people. I know that from personal experience. An abusive priest was removed from my parish some years ago as anyone reading my blog will know. Forums were held, and people were allowed to vent their anger and pain. During one forum, the former Youth Minister of the parish came forward and told a very disturbing story about the priest who had been removed. I knew the importance of her story. If it was true, then the priest surely abused again. I also knew that my story corroborated her story. I did not speak out. I remained silent. I wanted the priest to be innocent when I knew in my heart that he was guilty. That forum, that event remains one of the great “what ifs” of my life. What happened to that Youth Minister after the forum is that other parishioners criticized her and attacked her until she left the Catholic Church. I had to be thrown out of the Catholic Church myself before I called her to find out her side of the story. And when I called her, I was horrified. She had told only one story at the forum. She had many more stories to tell. That call was made just before my birthday in 2005. I went hiking on Mt. Hood with my children for my birthday. I sat on rocks and wrote in my diary, praying and trying not to cry while they played in a stream and picked up pumice. It took me a week to recover I was so depressed. I too, covered up abuse and failed to support survivors. I guess I am trying to make up for that now. Another reason why we wear Patches is because every Lent someone comes forward to our group to say they were abused. Every Lent survivors thank us for what we are doing. You never know the stories that lurk beneath the surface or the pain that keeps people silent. People need space, quiet space to tell their stories. They need gentleness and support and love and kindness. The Sackcloth Penance Patch seems to provide that gentle, quiet space that some people need to come forward. The Patch works specifically because it is gentle and strong at the same time. This journey through clergy abuse is a spiritual journey. It is a journey of learning, of self-discovery. of struggling with the meaning of faith and how to live it. Jesus says to turn the other cheek when people mistreat you. On the face of that, Jesus seems to say “hang around and get mistreated some more.” Truthfully it means something else. The strongest way to be, is to compassionate, kind and gentle at all times. Even when you are standing up for yourself, do so with respect for the needs of others. Of course, I struggle to live up to my own words. You know, my children are often my greatest teachers. My son is thirteen and got to liking the Fox network cartoon Family Guy too much. Too much talk about masturbation, swearing and what Peter would do. Fortunately my son also studies Kung Fu, the Marital Art. I remembered watching the old 70s Kung Fu television series with David Carridine. I started watching the show with my children on You Tube. I explained that David Carridine was troubled and did questionable, possibly criminal things, he shouldn’t have done. We can’t admire David Carridine, but we can admire the character he played – the Shaolin monk Kwai Chang Caine, whose religion was a blend of Taosim and Buddhism. Kwai Chang Caine does not reveal himself to be a Martial Arts Master unless he needs to save himself or others from violent attack. If the attack is low level and merely degrading, he does nothing to resist. This often leads other characters to think that he is weak. Only later do they discover that he can take on several men, including men with guns, and defeat them all. Kwai Chang Caine also treats everyone with kindness and compassion. At the same time he stands up for justice when he sees injustice. He cares nothing at all for money and material wealth and usually accepts only shelter and food for work. Well, anyway, my strategy worked. My son doesn’t watch much Family Guy anymore. Instead he thinks Kwai Chang Caine is cooler than cool. For a refresher as to why the television series was a hit, the following is a summary of some of its wisdom. Is a Man’s universe only himself? Master Po: Where is evil? In the rat, whose nature it is to steal grain or is it in the cat in whose nature it is to kill the rat. Kwai Chang Caine: The rat steals, yet for him, the cat is evil. Master Po: And to the cat, the rat. Kwai Chang Caine: Yet Master, surely one of them is evil. Master Po: The rat does not steal, the cat does not murder. The rain falls, the stream flows, the hill remains. Each acts according to its nature. Kwai Chang Caine: Then is there no evil for men. Each man tells himself that what he does is good, at least for himself. Master Po: Grasshopper, a man may tell himself many things, but is a man’s universe is made only of himself? Kwai Chang Caine: If a man hurts me, and I punish him, perhaps he may not hurt another. Master Po: And if you do nothing? Kwai : He will believe he may do as he wishes. Master: Perhaps, or perhaps he will learn that some men receive injury and return kindness. Accept the ways of others: Master Po: In the pond there are some lotuses, which stand above the water, and though their roots feed, they are themselves untouched by it. Some others have risen only to the water’s level and others are still under water. Kwai Chang Caine: Should I seek to measure these differences that I may treat them differently, each according to his position. Master Po: Examine the flower, is not the flower in each position yet a flower? Kwai Chang Caine: Shall I then treat each man the same? Master Po: As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all. Kwai Chang Caine: Yet the flower beneath the water, knows not the sun. Other men not knowing me may find me hard to understand. Master Po: Accept the ways of others; respect first your own. Send comments to Virginia at compassion500@gmail.com
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